I know it's fashionable for people to love Nintendo regardless of their track record, but hey, I've never been one to go with the flow. So after some time spent with the Nintendo Switch, I've finally managed to get around to putting my thoughts to paper, or bits, or whatever the relevant phrase should be now that we no longer use paper for this sort of thing. This isn't going to be a happy feel-good piece, and indeed, it might read more like a laundry list of what's wrong with the console. Maybe instead of putting a Nintendo fanboy hat on and getting defensive, think of it as the room Nintendo has to improve - these are all issues that are real, and get in the way of truly enjoying what really matters - the games. Or don't. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, away we go!

One of the console's most egregious failings is that the power port is located on the bottom of the unit, so it cannot be charged while using its kickstand. I completely understand why this is the case - the air vent is on the top of the unit so that the Switch can be plugged in directly to the TV charging stand. However, this is terrible design for mobile use cases, particularly when considering the Joycon right-stick issues with using the Switch in its mobile mode. But more on that later.

Check out that USB-C location. Note that the kickstand is over there on the left, and the speaker grills are on the back of the unit. Just under the kickstand, you can find the spot to insert the memory card.

The speakers are located on the back of the unit, so when using the console in the kickstand/on the table mode, unless the volume is up at 75% or higher, it's difficult to hear the unit. Worse, anyone else nearby gets to have an intimate relationship with the audio from game that you're playing.

Update: One of my co-workers mentioned that there are actually speakers on the front. I had to go double-check this, because the grills are very much on the back. As it so happens, he is completely correct. The Fictiv.com teardown writer made a note of it. Thanks for the catch, Daniel!

Nintendo's choice in only including 32 GB of memory on the console is curious, considering that a game like Zelda eats up around 14 GB on its own, and save data cannot currently be transferred to a separate memory card. I find that the OS alone shaves the available memory from 32 to ~26GB, so you're looking at maybe one AAA title with another indie game or two before you're maxed out and worried about managing data storage.

My experience has been that the kickstand is super flimsy - to the point where I can’t turn the power on by pushing it down from the top while the console is using the kickstand to support itself, or the entire thing collapses sadly and noisly. It’s also awkwardly placed on the side, which makes it pretty unstable in general. Also, given that the kickstand can't support itself while turning on the power, it's a given that inserting a game cartrige without collapsing the console is a no-go. This is much less of an issue right now, since there's basically only one game available at launch.

The right Joycon feels terrible for 3d action games (example: Zelda: Breath of the Wild) when operating in mobile mode, as even with an average size hand, the thumb has to be positioned so close to the palm that it causes rapid cramping. In my experience with Zelda so far, this means that for any time playing more than 30 minutes, I find it incredibly uncomfortable to play with the console in mobile mode, and have to set the console upright and put it on the kickstand. This problem is much less pronounced when the Joycons are attached to the controller shell. The overall size of the controller is still a bit small, and the buttons are made for seriously tiny hands, but it does alright for extended gaming sessions.

I also find that the -/+ buttons are awkwardly placed if the console is being used in its mobile mode, and don’t have much surface area to hit. While using the controller setup with the Joycons attached to the control shell, their placement is fine, though their size is still kind of an issue.

The right Joycon thumbstick on the Switch compared to the position of the thumbstick on a traditional controller.

The screen glare is... well, there's no good way to say it, the glare is terrible. Why didn’t they use an anti-glare coating like every smartphone and tablet since 2010?

This image was taken in a naturally lit room where the light was not directly falling on the screen. The user's reflection is just as annoying while playing as it is in this picture.

Everything about the 6.2”, 720p, 237 PPI screams compromise. If you use the kickstand and try to 2 player game, the screen size, not the pixel density, is the problem. I have 20/20 vision, and even I look like a hunchback trying to see the screen if I put it on the kickstand. But then if I use it in its mobile mode with the Joycons attached to the sides of the unit (like in the picture above), I'm subject to nearly immediate hand cramping, and jagged pixels that are reminiscent of early-2000's era games. Too big to properly hold in the hand, too small to use on a kickstand, the Switch is like some kind of inverse Goldilocks.

For mobile game hardware, the battery life leaves a lot to be desired. During my use cases, I tend to get 2-3 hours of battery life while playing Zelda. It’s not a perfect comparison, but an iPad Mini2 pushes more pixels on a larger screen for more hours for less money and less weight. When Netflix and other video services make it to the console, I'll be curious to see how long the battery lasts while viewing movies.

The screen size is slightly too big to be comfortable in the hand for extended (30+ minute) sessions, and slightly too small to sit directly on a desk. However, it definitely does feel better sitting on the desk with the joycons connected together than it does with the whole thing connected as a mobile platform.

All of this taken into account, it's still the only modern machine that plays your favorite Nintendo titles. So if you want to play Zelda, or Mario, or Smashbrothers, or Mario Kart, or any of the other Nintendo first party titles that are likely to find a home on the Switch, then it's the only game in town... and that is a shame, because all of those titles would be better served by Nintendo making full games for iOS/Android for mobile and Xbox/PlayStation for home consoles. Nearly everything about this console is a compromise, and the truly disappointing thing is that it doesn't have to be.

Will Apple just buy Nintendo already? Imagine what this would look like running on an iPad.

Now, I'm going to go play some Zelda while hunched over awkwardly, because unfortunately, the game shines where the hardware does not. But if I'm honest... Hey Nintendo, about that weapon decay mechanic...